I'm getting better, stronger. Day by day, I am happier and creeping closer to being capital A Alex again. There are lows; lows that are just as debilitating and all-consuming; but those lows are getting shorter and shorter. I don't pretend to hope that one day the lows will disappear all together, but one day I will be able to actually cope with the blinding rage and the killer sadness.
Now that the fog is clearing, I have to survey the carnage, as if I'm a survivor of a tornado picking through the crushed shell of my home for bits of hope. Since all my perceptions have been broken down I can start fresh. I can decide who to have in my life and how much they can have of me; I will wade through all of my attributes and pick and choose what to carry with me and what to discard, or at least I can work at tempering the bad and celebrating the good; I will be able to be what and who I want to be; I will set up support systems so that when I start to fall there is a safety net.
Most importantly, I want to get to a point where I can help others who are going through the hell of depression. I want to tell them that I know, and that there will be relief.
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